As you prepare for your annual family gathering this Thanksgiving season, if you have aging loved ones with dementia – it can sometimes be challenging to navigate how best to handle the day’s festivities.
While there is a wealth of information regarding dementia online, in print, and available from your primary care physician, we offer these suggestions for your consideration. Determine which may work best and then proactively discuss with your family to make the day as enjoyable for the one with dementia as it is for everyone else.
Live in their reality, whether it be from their school days, young married life, or their working years. You can learn so much about your loved one by living in whatever timeline their stream of consciousness is currently functioning. If they say they remember you from high school, when in fact you are their granddaughter, go with it. Ask them to tell you stories from when you were in high school together. Where did you live, how did you meet?
If they choose to tell you the exact same story 10 times during the course of their time with you, act as if each time is the first; no need to tell them that they’ve already told that story. Each time they tell the same story, ask different questions, which will allow your family to have a broader understanding of their history. Ask a family member to document the stories shared for future generations. Take photos, or better yet videos, as they share their stories.
When they don’t remember your name or your relationship to them, no need to repeatedly remind them of all of the details of how they “should” remember you. Talking louder will not help; actually, it typically causes more confusion and agitation. Smile, tell them it’s so good to see them; offer a hug if they are willing; and have them join you in what you are doing.
If you have a large family, or a lot of littles running around, sometimes that can overwhelm your aging loved one. Ask a family member to spend time with them in a less crowded room. Share pictures from their past or your present.
Before the big day, discuss with your family how many hours your aging loved one can comfortably be out of their familiar environment. Determine which part of the day is the best time for them. Some aging seniors enjoy a full 12 hours of watching the parade, meal prep, sharing around the family table, an afternoon of kids playing, and card games in the evening. However, others are overwhelmed by that marathon; so proactively determine the best window of time for them to be present in your full day of activities. Be prepared to switch gears on the planned timeline if needed.
It can be hurtful when your aging loved one thinks that possibly you are their spouse, when in fact, you are their offspring. This is a natural part of the aging process. While dementia doesn’toccur with everyone, or even on the same level as they age, it certainly impacts many along their aging journey.
Love them unconditionally; even when it breaks your heart that they don’t know who you are; even when they just sit there with an unread book in their hands; even when they need assistance with activities of daily living; and even when they ask why you haven’t come to see them for months, when you took them out for dinner just last week.
When your family becomes concerned for your aging loved one’s safety and wellbeing to continue to live on their own or in your mother-in-law suite, Heritage Retirement Community and Heritage In-Home Care Services are here to assist you on whatever level your aging loved one needs, to provide you with peace of mind.
November 25, 2024